Another Roller Coaster Ride

There is nothing like an episode of depression to get my bi-polar going. My brain apparently compensates for being down by trying to go as far up as it can. Of course, it can't maintain the "up", so it bounces back down, then up, then down ...

Yeah, it's tons of fun. 

I haven't even turned on my computer for about 4 days because I was either too depressed to want to do anything or too manic to sit still. The bi-polar is finally starting to equalize, at least as equalized as it ever gets. I always have some kind up roller coaster going, but I can usually keep it to a kiddie ride instead of a demon coaster. 

So much has happened in the past few days that I'm not able to put is all down. I don't want to think about the details too much because I don't want to trigger another bi-polar episode or a panic attack. Yesterday I was talking to a friend about how manic I was and triggered a panic episode. I really don't want to do that again. 

It is so "fun" that just talking about being manic or panicked that it triggers what I am talking about. Just one of those exciting things about having a mental illness that people never seem to talk about. 

So for now I will just say that I am starting to settle a bit and just leave it at that. Maybe I'll talk about it later, but not now.