A Leaky Faucet

I have become a fan of Elementary, a remake of the Sherlock Homes story that is set in modern New York. I love the interactions between recovering addict Sherlock and his sober companion/protege Dr. Joan Watson (who doesn't like Lucy Liu?)

In this story, Sherlock struggles with maintaining his sobriety while dealing with his sense of being surrounded by those who are less intelligent than he is. He struggles through AA meetings and has difficulty relating to those who are trying to help him.

While I am not an addict, I still struggle. My battle is to stay on my medications, not to avoid them. But I still relate strongly to the Sherlock character. I have sat in group meetings where I feel as if i am surrounded by idiots or at least by people who really don't understand me. I struggle day by day, and at times i don't want to go to bed at night because i know that tomorrow I will have to get up and do it all over again.

This feeling was described perfectly in Elementary's Sesson 3, Episode 9:

"Sherlock Holmes: If you must know, Watson, I've been feeling a little bit down of late. It's the process of maintaining my sobriety. It's repetitive. And it's relentless. And above all, it's tedious. When I left rehab, I... I accepted your influence, I committed to my recovery. And now, two years in, I find myself asking, 'is this it?' My sobriety is simply a grind. It's just this leaky faucet that requires constant maintenance, and in return offers only not to drip.

Dr. Joan Watson: You have your work, you have me. You're alive.

Sherlock Holmes: I've told myself that many times. So many times, it has become unmoored from all meaning. Odd. I used to imagine that a relapse would be the climax to some grand drama. Now I think that if I were to use drugs again, it would in fact be an anticlimax. It would be a surrender to the incessant drip, drip, drip of existence."

Drip, drip, drip. Another alert has gone off telling me to take my meds. Drip, drip, drip. I have an appointment with my therapist. Drip, drip, drip. I need to get out of bed and try to do something useful.

I have become stable enough mentally that those big events, those major crashes, are hopefully a thing of the past. But even the hardest stone cannot withstand the constant drip of a leaky faucet.