No More Excuses

A constant theme in my life is that I give myself no excuses for failure, but I will offer up endless excuses for the other people in my life. "The are busy". "I am easy to forget". "The have to deal with their kids". "Their job takes up all their time". I have spent years sending out birthday and holiday presents, anniversary cards, and "I'm thinking of you" notes with no return and made excuse after excuse as to why that is OK.

Well, that's not happening any more. This past holiday season I finally decided that it is no longer acceptable for relationships to go one way. This is a major shift for me and I have spent the past month wrestling with the idea. My brain - my heart - wants to keep making excuses for everyone else. I am actually frantic over how my non-reciprocating family and friends will react when they get only a card and not a present or get nothing instead of a card.

In late 2012, when I had my major psychotic break that left me no longer able to work, I lost a lot of friends. Yes, I learned the hard way that they really weren't friends, but it was still hard. I was devastated. Now I am facing the same situation. The real problem this time around is that it mainly concerns my own family. I thought they were there for me - and in many ways that is still true. I can call or text any of my sisters and they will be there for me. But I have not received any birthday cards, let alone birthday presents, from any of my siblings, nieces, or nephews for years. And the holidays were a major trauma. I got an unsigned photo card from my brother and his family and nothing from anyone else. I did get a promise from my older sister that their annual family calendar is on its way, but Christmas day found just my parents and I sitting down opening presents just between the 3 of us.

I am through making excuses for other people. Yes, it is hard. I have been trained my entire life that it is OK to have a one-way street when it comes to sharing and kindness. But I need to take care of myself, even if that means losing friends or even losing relationships with my family. It is a hard thing to retrain my brain, but I am working on it.