The Past Is Gone

A friend of mine shared this quote with me yesterday and it really struck a chord.

I have a hard time looking at my past. Whenever I think about all the things I used to be able to do when I was younger, I get frantic. The depression rolls over me and I can hardly function. It is debilitating.

I really does break my heart to think that I used to be able to work a regular job. I mourn for the days when I could go out and volunteer for an event and spend the whole day out in public. I am devastated by the thought that I will likely never be able to go on another hike or spend a whole day in the outdoors. Hell, I have days where I am manic and cranky over the fact that I can no longer eat pizza, bread, a hamburger, or any other "normal" food.

Recently I cleaned out my closet. I had boxes of old photos, postcards, and greeting cards from my old life. I have been trying for years to go through them and put them in photo albums, but every time I try I end up panicked and crying. I finally gave in and just dumped the whole lot in the trash.

I cannot look back. It really does break my heart. I have to acknowledge that I am an entirely different person now and just try my hardest to move forward.