What The Future Holds

I know I'm not the only one who is anxious about what the future might look like. We have a deadly pandemic, nation-wide protests, and a leadership that is completely incompetent. I feel like I am living a George Orwell novel. 

On Twitter, I have been keeping a log of what my days have been like on lockdown due to Covid-19. I am now on day 89. Yes, I have been able to leave the house a few times, but I am still basically confined to my house and garden. I had a follower on Twitter ask me why I am still counting days of lockdown when the Governor of Utah has loosened the quarantine and restaurants and stores are opening. Well, the answer is simple: My immune system doesn't work right. Even if the average person feels safe going out, I don't. On my rare outings, I wear a heavy-duty mask and spray just about everything with my hand sanitizer. I have to be super careful. 

Even if they came out with a working vaccine tomorrow, I would still be on lockdown. For me, vaccines don't "stick". For instance, the last few times I got the flu vaccine, I was sick for a week after because my body reacted to the vaccine like it was the actual virus. And then the antibodies wouldn't stay around and I would end up with the flu anyway, and it would knock me down for 2 to 3 weeks. My immunologist finally told me not to get them any more. I have to depend on the people around me to get the vaccine to keep me safe. If we started vaccinating for Covid-19, I would have to wait months for enough people around me to be vaccinated for me to be safe. 

And that is with a vaccine. Shops are opening. Restaurants are opening. State and National Parks are opening. Golf Courses are opening. The Las Vegas Strip is opening. And the number of cases here in Washington County, Utah, has tripled in the past week. And that is despite a decrease in testing. If they were testing like they were a month ago, the numbers would be much higher. And what is the deal with that? Not testing doesn't make the virus go away, no matter what our Idiot In Chief might say. 

Basically I will be on lockdown for the long haul, and I really don't know how to deal with that reality. My dissociation is getting worse because the news from around the world is just too surreal. It doesn't feel real. I am just trying to hang on and not freak out about what the future may hold.