Finding Peace

Wow, there is nothing like a head cold to put a halt on any sort of writing. Does anyone else feel like their brain cells just freeze up when your sinuses are clogged? Ugh!

My last entry was about anxiety triggers. I talked to my therapist about being more proactive in dealing with my anxiety and panic attacks. What he told me is so simple I could kick myself for not thinking of it earlier.

He told me to go back to my root and find my link to my spirituality. OK, he didn't word it exactly like that, but it is close. I had a therapist in the past who told me flat out that I needed to go back to the Mormon church if I was ever going to recover. Yeah, that's BS, since a lot of my panic triggers go back to that upbringing. But my current therapist worded it very differently. He knows I am a pagan and that I consider myself spiritual instead of religious. He is Mormon, but keeps it out of the sessions. And even though he doesn't understand my spiritual path, he respects it.

He told me to look back and find memories where I was at peace. Then take those moments and find out what they had in common. I could then meditate with those moments as a focus and train my mind to find that peace when I started to feel panicked.

I thought about it for a couple of days, and then went to work. For the first time in years I built an altar. I cleared off one shelf on one of my bookshelves, a low shelf where it would be near eye level while I was sitting on the floor. Sitting on the floor helps me feel grounded. It is a simple altar, with a dish of rocks, including some lava rock that I pulled directly from the active lava flow in Hawaii. I put my raven statuette on one side and the bull carving I got from my grandma (who was also a Taurus) on the other. I put a couple of LED candles at the back - I don't dare use real candles on the shelf. Books plus fire equals bad. But I do have a big pillar candle that I put on the floor in front of me and light while I am meditating.

Well, it has bee 4 days in a row so far - yay me! - and I am sleeping better. I am not so panicked when I wake up in the morning. My plan is to meditate every day before bed. My hope is to be able to hold onto my inner peace.